How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I FOUND THE LEGS
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
