it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
accomplished twins. life is a go
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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