living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
