Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
this just has baby written all over it
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize