just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
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