I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
