A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
