i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
