life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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