I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
