Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
