Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Randomize