Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
