Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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