Soap is not a condiment
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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