weddingsv make me drug and hornr
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
