Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
