I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
All the doctor said was why
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
