hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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