Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
