Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
