He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
