This is not my ceiling
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Green mimosas i think yes
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
