totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
