non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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