Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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