So drunk, too bad you don't want this
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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