hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
