easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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