you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
