....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
