singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
