this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Randomize