I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Randomize
