I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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