I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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