a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
