my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
