You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
