if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Randomize
