cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
