I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Randomize
