i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
