he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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