and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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