Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
