whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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