Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
