Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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