I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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