You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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