While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Randomize
