I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
only you would photoshop your dick
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize
