If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
