Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Randomize
