It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
