The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
