how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Randomize
