I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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