it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
