I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
