His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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